Insignificant Things
My heart feels frozen; I check my breathing
It’s nothing much; I am only leaving.
Your movement’s miles to each painful step-
So I pause, and stay carefully still.
We admit defeat so quickly
So hastily, rudely retreat.
What comfort now do you think you’ll bring me?
Just ease fleeting, insignificant things.
I really like this Tina! It shows great emotion to my untrained eye. Very nice alliteration in the 'movement's miles' and 'rudely retreat'. I guess purists might argue that they aren't quite the same sounds, (mo - mi, ru - re) but I say that it works for me and that is what counts in poetry I think, that is what the reader takes from it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing it and I look forward to reading more!
I like this poem Tina. Sadly I don't know enough about poetry to comment further. But it is nice.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this Tina. There feels like there's a depth to it beyond the first meaning and I think that comes from the rhetoric. The alliteration and the mirrored sounds (retreat-defeat-fleeting)make the second stanza seem much quicker paced than the first and this seems to echo the language used too (quickly-hastily.)Excellent :D
ReplyDeletethanks so much for the kind comments x :)
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